What Do You Expect Us to Feel?

The typical twisted way that the defense questioned Mr. Donald Williams II during the trial about the police lynching of Mr. George Floyd was indicative of how this system interacts us. It terrorizes us and then dares us to respond in kind, or uses our human reactions against us.

A system is a collection of acts by humans besides what the definition attached denotes.

Racial oppression and hate never fails to add insult to injury on us while others want to “hear the evidence before drawing conclusions”, or otherwise make excuses for terroristic behavior, barring accountability. Those who terrorize know that the act is done regardless of the consequences. The lack of legal consequences only adds to the historical insult of injustice to our historical injuries. Or, in the case of State Representative, Park Cannon of Georgia, who did a very reasonable thing in her place of work, and was carted off like a criminal charged with two felonies, while not one arrest was made on January 6th at the State Capitol. All of those insurrectionists got to go home waiting for law enforcement to find them. 🤬

People are beginning to say that the terroristic traumas that we endure trying to live in this system are not planned results, saying they were “incidental” to war in some cases. I keep hearing this idea rising among those who would try to suppress the terroristic results of this insidious system of oppression, and sadly, also heard among some allies. Destruction of civilization and humanity because of war is an extension of the same system that hinders the coming of a just society. Here is a seeming innocuous example:

Someone recently asked for clarification in a group I moderate responding to, “you don’t have to be racist in your heart in order to inadvertently create rules which have unequal racist effect.” To clarify, the respondent pointed to the source of the discussion, “the idea that distinguishing race itself is racist and that being color-blind is the very definition of equality. This can come from a good place of wanting to treat everyone equally. But, it demonstrably can have unequal effects.”

I won’t go into the many statements that have already been made on why colorblindness is a problem. Mr. Williams was faced with a defense attorney who was trying to anger him on the stand and accuse him of posing a threat to officers who were complicit in Mr. Floyd’s murder. He, and many others including children, were traumatized by witnessing the murder of Mr. Floyd’s life and then having to retell it seems herculean. What seems harmless (cross-examination as an example) to some, can be reinjuring to many of us. For example, when someone is in drug recovery, it is a common practice to avoid areas that would induce them. Instead, in the case of experiences imposed on us, we seem to be expected to continue to endure this without reprieve.

I also hear many elders reference how the conditions were worse in the past, I can imagine so. I do not engage comparison when it comes to trauma. I do believe this is a wash because there has been progress but there hasn’t been change. We have no reliable escape from this system that requires permanent interruption. There are countless stories of Black people experiencing racial trauma even while trying to engage recreation, nonetheless the murder of Ahmaud Aubrey while going for a jog.

The defense attorney was attempting to use Mr. Williams’s humanity against him, because, really, what else would any human feel? Mr. Williams noted being unable to reach those officers’ humanity when engaging them about what they were doing to Mr. Floyd for 9 minutes and 21 seconds. Even though we, the targets of racial oppression and hatred, have had to "suck it up" at least 4 times a day according to research (probably countless times a day), we must remain calm, cool and collected in the face of this in order to increase our chances of survival, which alone takes superhuman skills and ongoing self-care. Few people witnessing this extraordinary feat by Mr. Williams on the witness stand can fathom what it takes. I am thankful that Mr. Williams has the emotional discipline of a martial artist to get through that onslaught. The defense attorney seemed to pretend that those witnessing Mr. Floyd’s murder were a threat to those complicit in murdering him instead of the truth of the danger to the public they pose.

I grew up hearing the word “shytstem” instead of “system” probably because of the evil nature of this society. I imagine that "shytstem" sticks with me because I don’t know of a better term for the way we live. Since we are always translating to engage, I rarely say the word that comes to mind in public. I find the behavior of these people who traffic in evil in line with the rest of this system’s historical traditions.

Many of us don’t have words for what we experience every day of our lives from as early as three years old like rappers and others gifted around self expression do. Apparently there is a racial disparity in the ability to experience extreme emotions and stay present, BIPoC seem to have the ability while those socialized in whiteness do not. I think it has something to do with the fragility inculcated in their socialization. Thanks to the work of the Association of Black Psychologists some of us are beginning to develop the language about our trauma.

As I mentioned, targets of racial oppression, intended or “incidental”, are assaulted every day. Dr. Kenneth Hardy describes the assault in this six-minute video about the Assaulted Sense of Self, and as racial trauma is described in this article about it based on his work. I am thankful for the work of Soul Space through ONTRACK Program Resources where I learned of Dr. Hardy’s work. I have been attending their latest series of lectures by Dr. La Tanya Takla, Clinical Psychologist who references his work in her presentations. I have included their upcoming programs below.

The assault on our being will not stop until those who do it are held accountable. I honestly have no hope about that except continuing to live the best I can, as we all do, against the odds. Why do we continue to allow such a society to exist? Are we unaware that it can be changed by a critical mass of us making different choices? It starts with each of us.

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