#IWant2Know

Recently a dear friend talked with me about his concern over the way that the men around him just “took it” from women and girls without accountability or responsibility. As he shared about what he did about it in his spheres of influence, I shared the term, “rape culture”. Rape culture information typically does not include the ways that Black men and boys have been raped throughout history, but Dr. Tommy J. Curry’s work on Black Male Studies outlines that well. It was confirming to hear him talk about the way that older women have sex with young boys (and how it is twisted by machismo). I once spoke to another dear friend about my concern that he was raped, not that he experienced a “rite of passage” when he was groomed and sexualized by an older woman. Typically, we hear the statistics of women and girls, I want to also highlight Black men and boys alongside women and girls.

I am inviting you if you are someone safe to tell. and maybe healed enough to support someone in your family, community or circle that has been raped, or sexually abused/exploited, post this tag - #IWant2Know… Often people feel isolated and alone when they’ve had this horrific experience at the hands of someone they know. It only takes one other person to help them feel the power of where two or more are gathered. 😉

Often, they have a mix of emotions. Families generally know who the predator(s) are around them but are silenced by many vises. Some are silenced by the benefits from the predator. Some are silenced by grooming, collusion and shame by the predator. You may read up on those dynamics here. As a parent, it is 100% your responsibility to protect your child from predators and to make your best efforts in that regard. As soon as your child can express themselves, they should be oriented to their body and their personal boundaries. They should be empowered to enforce their personal boundaries with anyone, including you.

I hope that you will do the personal work you will need to do to prepare yourself to share in the journey with someone who has survived predator(s), especially in your family, but need your support to stand and regain themselves and their voice. Employing professional assistance is essential. I know that survivors who move to thrivers do so with the easiest support of someone who will support them in going to therapy to process their experiences. Silence is never golden. Silence gives cowardice and impunity places to hide. We are only as good as our own healing. Please do not allow someone to open up unless you know you are reliable to see the process through, because abandonment only adds insult to injury, especially for a young person.

My friend once said about race, “I don’t care how you treat me. I care how you treat people who look like me as much”. Same thing here. I care that the men in my life that defended me and have been safe with me are that way. That does not mean that I wouldn’t support someone that had a different experience. I think people who can be rehabilitated should seek it, although I understand that professionals say that this predatory behavior cannot be rehabilitated. I always expect miracles but seriously people, we need to smell the coffee and do the heavy lifting because many hands make light work. This increases the need to identify and make unashamed acknowledgement of those who violate people of any age. All kinds of people protect predators. Let’s please hold them accountable and get them engaged in the services they need.

Please, if you are survivor of sexual abuse/exploitation of any kind, please contact RAINN. Those people are VERY qualified to help to start or continue the road of healing from a very deep violation of your humanity. I honor your humanity. #IWant2Know